Authenticity. There isn’t much of it out there these days. Maybe there is among the animals who don’t know anything else. They never learned how to fake it. Increasingly, we humans are faced with fake almost-everything: fake news, fake images, fake claims. Artificial intelligence is only compounding the problem.

And yet, authenticity remains a popular idea. It’s written about in books by famous leaders (e.g., Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic), called for by employees who want to make a strong connection with their bosses and coworkers, advertised by jeans makers (Wrangler is “genuine”), and immortalized by soda companies (Coke: “The Real Thing”). It’s easier to promote it than to live it.

Being authentic in one’s self isn’t always a simple task. It takes insight, courage, honesty, and more – a sometimes inexplicable urge to simply be true to who you are, to the man or woman in the mirror. Being authentic with others can be even more challenging. Why? Because authentic relationships can lead to vulnerability.

Are you willing to open up to someone – your wife, husband or partner, your son or daughter, your best friend, or the person sitting next to you at the bar – and let your hair down? …

Sometimes, it’s easier to share your true feelings with the person at the bar than with your spouse or partner. It’s safer since you don’t have to be held accountable for your sentiments after you leave.

In our search for authentic relationships, we long for what we often fear: intimacy.

I was on safari in Africa a few years ago, sitting in my tent one afternoon, when my tent mate asked me if I knew what intimacy was all about. Before I could answer, he offered this idea: He said to me that intimacy really means ‘in to me see.’  That insight has stayed with me ever since. For all the dictionary definitions of intimacy, the one my friend proposed speaks volumes, for it is an invitation to share at the level of one’s soul, to “speak” soul to soul, privately, intentionally, courageously.

So, then, can we say that a search for authenticity is really a search for intimacy? And that the bridge between authenticity and intimacy can include vulnerability?

Several years ago, a major newspaper published an article describing an exchange between Jack Welch, the previous CEO of General Electric, and William Harrison, prior Chairman of J.P. Morgan that highlighted the power of authenticity.

“In addition to holding their strategic discussions, the article stated, Mr. Welch and Mr. Harrison spent significant time together honing the executive training program at J.P. Morgan. Mr. Welch was particularly impressed with Mr. Harrison’s use of a group exercise in which senior J.P. Morgan executives, including Mr. Harrison, wrote on a board the personal and professional experiences – the more painful, the better – that helped them evolve as people. “Bill was very good at it,’ Mr. Welch said. ‘It makes you become simpatico with the guy.’”

 In that experience, Mr. Welch and Mr. Harrison bonded; they got “intimate” in a way that most likely led to a more fulfilling and productive relationship. They learned that they could trust one another.

So, at the end of the authenticity trail, lies trust. How can I trust you, if you aren’t going to be real with me? And if I can’t trust you, how can I, if you’re a leader in my company, follow you?

If you’re not going to be authentic, how can I love you?  The question is as pressing for couples, friends, and families as it is for business people.

Authenticity opens to vulnerability, which opens to intimacy, which, finally, opens to trust. If you want people to trust you, you need to be authentic, to be yourself. There’s no easy formula for becoming authentic, or testing whether you are. You can’t ask someone if they think you’re authentic; they really won’t know, even if your eyes are flooded with tears. You’re the only one who knows if you’re being authentic.

Each of us must find his or her own path to authenticity and the road it illuminates. First, though, you need to decide how much authenticity is worth to you. What kind of relationships do you want to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up with the people who matter most to you? How do you want to be remembered?

The animals don’t know anything but authenticity and don’t have to work to get it. The buck in search of a mate is unambiguous in his hunt. The mother bear who protects her cubs at all costs makes no bones about her intentions. Being authentic is an easier path for them than for us. So, are the animals the lucky ones?

I don’t believe so. We are the lucky ones, for in struggling to be authentic, we must struggle with ourselves. In doing so, we become fuller, richer, more valuable individuals to ourselves and to others.

What does authenticity mean to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

The post Let’s get real! appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

According to Webster’s, a goal is “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.” Operative word? Object; i.e., intent, or hoped-for outcome. As important as your goal may be, it is still possible to remain detached from it. It’s “out there,” on the horizon, waiting to be realized. Sometimes, we reach our goals. Sometimes, we don’t. When we do, we feel the thrill of achievement and when we don’t, we feel disappointed. Still, life goes on. 

But goals are nothing compared to promises. A promise is defined as “a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that a particular thing will happen.” The difference runs deep. While a goal can be viewed at arms-length, a promise cuts to the bone. It is a commitment, a covenant between you and someone else, or even with yourself. There is no room for ‘maybe.’ In the words of Yoda from Star Wars, “Do or do not. There is no try.” 

About a year ago, I read an article by James Hall, the editor of Bassmaster Magazine. (Yes, fishing is one of my passions.) The title of the article was I was wrong. The piece still haunts me. Here is a passage that explains why.

“My brother, Gary, used a tight-line technique with a weight. I used no weight and kept my line slack. I chided him, as only a 10-year-old could, for being “dumb.” We kept count that July and he beat me by more than a dozen fish. I was wrong and not happy about it.

We had grand plans this year to get together to re-create the fishing pursuits of our youth. We hadn’t fished together in a couple of years. I lived in Alabama; he lived in Texas. Work and trivial activities kept pushing aside our next fishing trip. Not this time. We would nail down a date and see it through. I thought this would become a tradition, something we could look forward to every year.

But, on March 1, 2021, I was again proven wrong. Gary had a heart attack in his sleep and, at age 51, was gone.

There seem to be countless secrets to a happy life, but I’ve only been smart enough to nail down one: Minimize regret. 

What would bring you heartbreak if not accomplished, assuming tomorrow never comes? I’m making a list. As for those items I no longer have control over, pushing aside one weekend over the past two years to meet Gary is at the top.”

Which brings me to the power of a promise. I recently heard a talk by Alex Sheen, founder of Because I said I would, which bills itself as a social movement and nonprofit dedicated to the betterment of humanity through promises made and kept. Alex is nothing short of inspiring in his passion for how promises create and deepen relationships, benefiting everyone involved. One of his most memorable comments was, “I don’t have to, I get to …” Feel free to fill in the blank: I get to take my child to school every day. I get to visit my ailing father once a week. I get to drive my best friend to work for a month while she recovers from an accident. What I learned from Alex is that making and keeping promises is a privilege that makes us larger in who we are.

The name of this newsletter (aka viewsletter) is Identity Insights. So, you might be asking, what does making promises have to do with identity? In short, everything. The promises you make are acts of integrity and integrity is at the root of identity. In a sense, your identity stands as a promise you make to others – about who you are and what you can be counted on to do and not do. I am Larry Ackerman and I promise to help people to see – to see the power of some actions and the futility of others. To see their innate potential as revealed by their identity. This is who I am and what I do.

Whether big or small, make promises that will matter to others and to yourself. Then, keep those promises before it’s too late. I promise I will.

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Underneath this seeming impasse, however, there are profound similarities that transcend our declared differences and which make us kin. In short, most of us want the same thing: to make a contribution in the world and be rewarded for it in return. However you define it, we all want to attain a rich life.

(Don’t) sweat it.

Asking yourself whether your life will be rich is one of those questions that makes us sweat. Some people sweat from the anxiety that comes from simply not knowing the answer. Others sweat from the burning hope that, maybe someday, they will make it big, cash in, hit the jackpot. Any reference to “rich” instantly conjures up images of money and the things money can buy. These things can range from luxury cars and fancy homes, to fine educations for our children and, perhaps most of all, to the supposed freedom from worry being rich implies…

Still others sweat because they realize that if they stick to the course they’re on, the answer to the question, will my life be rich? will, probably, be no. Their well-meaning efforts to protect what they’ve accumulated, or to acquire more of it, have taken over their lives. Along with their jobs, their days are governed by “to-do” lists, mortgages, tuition payments, soccer games, lawn mowing, bake sales, dance recitals, church suppers, and on and on. Despite the satisfaction many of these experiences may bring, they have squeezed out any hope of giving voice to the deeper passions that keep us alive inside, as the individuals we are.

People are sweating the wrong things. For all the time you invest in trying to “know” how things will turn out in your life, what actually happens in the future remains a mystery. For all the effort you may put into getting rich in financial terms, unforeseen circumstances can derail your dream. For all the energy you invest in owning up to the fact that you’ve left no room in your life for you, regret will accomplish nothing.

What is worth sweating is whether you do right by yourself and others. This sequence – first, you and then other people – is deliberate. It is only when you build relationships that reflect who you are at your core that you can “do right” by others. Your identity — the unique contribution you’re capable of making — is the living lens through which you can most confidently make informed decisions, engage the world, and thereby, fashion a life that you and others can believe in.

It is also worth sweating how you define rich. There is nothing wrong with money. Yet, as much as wealth may be about money, it is equally about those things that, like a magnet, draw people to you — and you to them — over and over again. For instance, the love you share with family and friends, the heart-felt recognition you receive from co-workers that fuels your determination to redouble your efforts at whatever you did to win that recognition in the first place.

Here today, here tomorrow

The idea of attaining a “rich life” is an invitation for you to decide what truly matters. What are the things that, when combined, will add up to a life you will be proud to call your own? In this vein, it’s also worth sweating what your legacy will be. Will the commitments you make and the actions you take today leave people better off because you were here? The question, will my life be rich? isn’t just about today; it is equally about tomorrow. It is about how you will be remembered and what you will be remembered for.

Here are a few simple steps you can take to build a rich life through the lens of your identity:

Clarify what “rich” means to you. Consider every aspect of your life in terms of the relationships that frame it. Write down the “ideal state” for each of these relationships – how you envision each might change, if it were fully informed by your identity. What would be different? What would stay the same?

• Your relationship with work — your job, your colleagues, your career
• Your relationship with your partner, or spouse
• Your relationship with your family
• Your relationship with your friends
• Your relationship with your community

It is intriguing to think about how our irreconcilable differences might fade, at least a bit, if we were to talk in terms of the rich lives we want to build, rather than the lives we want to tear down. We all work (or did). We all have, or seek a life partner. We all have families and friends whom we rely on, just as they rely on us. It would be no surprise if what we aspired to create in each of these vital relationships were uncannily similar.

We should start there.

The post Will my life be rich? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

Will Facebook me-too itself out of business? Not likely. Might the company stir up confusion in the social media marketplace that hurts its image and softens customer loyalty? Not out of the question.

You don’t have to be an airline or Internet company to copy the actions of major competitors. It happens all the time. With the best of intentions, you study your competition’s best practices to see how they ‘got there.’ You track new product launches. Then, you emulate some or all of these success markers, hoping to improve your lot.

Along the way, you forget that your company’s greatest strategic advantage lies in investing in the things that set it apart from others. In short, you allow yourself to be Foogled (Foo-gal verb; to Foogle: “to be seduced into adopting strategies and tactics that blur the lines between you and your competitors.”

Who wins? No one.

Not your customers, for whom you’ve made choices harder. Not your employees, who may no longer be sure why they signed up and who they’re working for. Not your investors, who will anticipate a price war, which may erode profit margins and confidence.

Be a hero. Send a memo to your team: Don’t be Foogled!

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The seeds of Tiger Woods’ undoing were sewn years ago – and they had nothing to do with him being the king of golf. 

Tiger’s father, Earl, apparently told his son, over and over, that he would be a catalyst of change in the world, that he was “special,” that golf was his vehicle to greatness. Bad parenting. All Earl did was inflate Tiger’s ego – and self-image – beyond reasonable human bounds. Earl was manufacturing a God – a perfect being, whom all others would adore, not just admire.

Tiger took it all in and became the icon he was “meant” to be – almost. Somewhere inside Tiger-the-God lay Tiger-the-human, just waiting to reclaim his rightful place in the mortal world. And that he certainly has done.  

I feel sorry for Tiger. He’s lived a lie most of his life – “I am holier than thou” – and now that lie has been exposed. Now, he has to face his mortal self, and that may take some time.  

Tiger’s self-reverence went to his head, starting, most likely, at a very young age. And it consumed him from the inside out.  As much as he may be the poster child for the dangers of self-made celebrity perfection, he’s not alone. There are others – other sports figures, politicians (God knows!), CEOs, and just plain folk, who lose touch with who they truly are, set impossible standards for themselves, create God-like personas, and set themselves up for inevitable failure, shame and embarrassment. It’s not worth it.  

If Tiger can achieve a more realistic understanding of himself – his earthly, rather than his “saintly,” gifts – he stands a chance of re-engaging people in positive ways. With his fame, he might indeed get people to listen to his more humble, but important message: Be yourself, know your limits as well as your strengths, keep both feet on the ground at all times. If that happens, redemption will be his – and Tiger might actually become the catalyst of positive change in the world his father wanted him to be.

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