Mortality  

On the day I die a lot will happen. A lot will change.

The world will be busy.

On the day I die, all the important appointments I made will be left unattended.

The many plans I had yet to complete will remain forever undone.

The calendar that ruled so many of my days will now be irrelevant to me.

All the material things I so chased and guarded and treasured will be left in the hands of others to care for or discard.

The words of my critics which so burdened me will cease to sting or capture anymore. They will be unable to touch me…

The arguments I believed I’d won will not serve me or bring me any satisfaction or solace.

All my noisy incoming notifications and texts and calls will go unanswered. Their great urgency will be quieted.

My many nagging regrets will all be resigned to the past, where they should always have been anyway.

Every superficial worry about my body that I ever labored over; about my waistline or hairline or frown lines, will fade away.

My carefully crafted image, the one I worked so hard to shape for others, will be left to them to complete.

The sterling reputation I once struggled so greatly to maintain will be of little concern for me anymore.

All the small and large anxieties that stole sleep from me each night will be rendered powerless.

The deep and towering mysteries about life and death that so consumed my mind will finally be clarified in a way that they could never be before, while I lived.

These things will certainly all be true on the day that I die.

Yet for as much as will happen on that day, one more thing will happen.

On the day I die, the few people who really know and truly love me will grieve deeply.

They will feel a void.

They will feel cheated.

They will not feel ready.

They will feel as though a part of them has died as well.

And on that day, more than anything in the world they will want more time with me.

I know this from those I love and grieve over.

And so knowing this, while I am still alive, I’ll try to remember that my time with them is finite and fleeting and so very precious—and I’ll do my best not to waste a second of it.

I’ll try not to squander a priceless moment, worrying about all the other things that will happen on the day I die, because many of those things are either not my concern or beyond my control.

Friends, those other things have an insidious way of keeping you from living even as you live; vying for your attention, competing for your affections.

They rob you of the joy of this unrepeatable, uncontainable, ever-evaporating ‘Now’ with those who love you and want only to share it with you.

Don’t miss the chance to dance with them while you can.

It’s easy to waste so much daylight in the days before you die.

Don’t let your life be stolen every day by all that you’ve been led to believe matters. Because on the day you die—the fact is, that much of it simply won’t.

But before that day comes, let us live.

I tried hard to find out who this David Reed is, but no success. There are many David Reeds out there. If I could identify this man, I would reach out to thank him for his profoundly powerful and exquisitely beautiful insights. 

And, true to his words, I would want to get to know him, so I could count him among the friends who might miss me — or perhaps I, him — when one of us passes, unexpectedly.

Thank you, David Reed. I am moved by your words. Maybe, those who are reading this article, will be too.

The post Thank you, David Reed appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

In my last Viewsletter, I referred to the Book of Joy, published in 2016, which condenses a week’s worth of discussions between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama into a compendium of wisdom. In today’s complicated world, I believe it’s worth looking at joy, once again, not just as the theme of a book, or even an emotion; but, as a framework for living that can help us weather the storm we’re all in.

With that in mind, I’ve taken the conversation about joy beyond Archbishop Tutu and the Dalai Lama to include other luminaries and near-luminaries, whose words add texture, depth, and color to the subject.

Here are eight quotations, which speak to each of the pillars of joy described in the book and what I see as the meaning of the quote…

1 Perspective

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”

― Frances Hodgson Burnett

It is. The question is whether it’s filled with flowers or weeds. Underneath perspective lies choice. We choose to see what’s there, or what isn’t. As hard as it is at times, I choose to see flowers.

2 Humility

A great man is always willing to be little.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t believe there are many great men, today, which is unfortunate. We need more of them: great men and great women, to stand as role models for all of us. I believe humility is fueled by true self-confidence and stoked by courage; the courage to let go of the ego that keeps us tethered to insecurity. There is power in a humble voice, because it acts like a magnet, drawing us to it, closer and closer, until we can finally hear what is being said. Sometimes, it’s big to be small. 

3  Humor

“There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”

— Victor Borge

And, the truth hurts. Does that mean that pain is funny? I don’t believe so. I do believe that the truth, when pointed in our direction, is a mirror of our imperfections as human beings. If we can find humor in our imperfections, if we can find the strength to laugh at ourselves, our ability to navigate life sharpens. That’s not funny; it’s true.

4 Acceptance

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

― Maya Angelou

It is a special place, that home, and it is hard to find, but it is there, always there. That home is your identity, that soft rock at the center of all things human. That home is no less than your sanctuary, where you can be — must be — simply, you. There is no rent or mortgage to pay. The only obligation is to pay attention. Safe home.

5 Forgiveness

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

How big are your muscles? I’m still working on mine. Forgiveness is a two-edged sword. On one hand it is liberating, like cleaning out a closet long overrun by useless stuff. On the other hand, part of what you’re clearing out is the pain you’ve kept alive by not forgiving. Forgiveness frees you from pain, allowing you to fly.

6 Gratitude

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

― Epicurus

Contrary to the popular saying, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Nor, is it really worth keeping up with the Joneses. Especially, today. Gratitude costs nothing. If you’re loved, if you are healthy, if you can eat, sleep, and peer into the eyes of nature from behind your mask, be grateful. More isn’t necessarily more.

7 Compassion

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

― Leo Buscaglia

Compassion is like a magic act that amazes in its seeming impossibility. Yet, we choose to accept it because it moves us. It causes us to suspend disbelief and marvel at its power to make us believe. I am always heartened when I can offer a random act of kindness that lift someone up, even a little. The joy in the voice of the hospital coordinator, whom I called simply to say thank you for helping me cut through red tape. The weekly dollar I gave to the guy at the corner of Madison and 49^th Street, who nods his head in appreciation. What he does with that dollar doesn’t matter. I try.

8 Generosity

“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

― John Bunyan

I see compassion and generosity as kissin’ cousins. They are two sides of the same coin. Both call for giving without asking for something in return. ‘Live generously’ is an expression I learned from a friend whose successful career reflects this idea. I believe there is a mountain of gold waiting for you, when you do something for someone, simply, because they need it; no ulterior motive, no tit-for-tat, no negotiated, mutual back-scratching. Just, because. Live generously.

Do any of these quotes move you? If so, please weigh in. Let people know what joy means to you.

The post What does joy mean to you? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

The other day, I came across a book I haven’t read in a while, The Book of Joy. It is based upon a weeklong conversation between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu that is woven into a revealing narrative. The two men reflect on their personal experiences and outline what they call the eight pillars of joy. In re-reading the book, I was struck by how relevant these pillars are today as we navigate a new way of being in the world.

Here are the eight pillars, what each suggests for where we are today, and my own take on them…

!. Perspective — We have a choice in how we see things right now. We have the ability to reframe our situation more positively, and the way we see the world is how we experience it. In turn, how we see the world changes the way we feel and how we act. As hard as it is, I choose to believe that some good will come from our suffering. Perhaps, we will mature as a nation and as global citizens and realize that we really are one people, that our most essential needs, for health and economic security, are the same. Perhaps, then, we can forge policies that help us meet those needs.

2. Humility — The Coronavirus has brought us up short. In forcing us to change our ways, the virus makes it hard for someone to consider himself or herself above it all; somehow, better than everyone else, or more deserving. Like it or not, we have all been humbled. I like the feeling that humility brings. It is slowing me down. It is leading me to spend more time inside myself, rather than “out there.” I am reminded of how I feel when I look at the Rocky Mountains, or the Grand Tetons: I feel small, knowing that the forces around me are greater than I am. I am okay with that.

3. Humor — The past few weeks have seen an explosion of hysterical jokes, videos, and postings spawned by our predicament: for instance, dogs telling their owners to please go back to work soon, so they can have the house to themselves, again, and all kinds of wry spoofs on the bumpy relationship between President Trump and Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is leading the charge against the virus here in the U.S. I thank God for these jokes and thank whoever comes up with them for doing so. They are helping to keep me sane and grounded, and laughing with family and friends.

4. Acceptance — Acceptance is a close cousin to humility. In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says, “Why be unhappy about something that can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” At the moment, we have no choice but to accept our situation as it stands, so, it makes no sense to stress over it. Every day, I surrender a bit more to our new reality, letting it sink in and slow me down. I feel better when I accept the situation, but I do believe it can, and will, be remedied.

5. Forgiveness — Many mistakes are being made every day by people we’re looking to, to lead us out of this mess, first and foremost, politicians of all stripes. Mistakes are also being made by ‘regular folk’ who are ignoring the warnings to maintain social distancing, if not for their own sake, then, to protect others. They either don’t care, or are living in denial. However, like the rest of us, they are only human. I’m angry and frustrated with all of these people. But I’m working on forgiving them, for they know not what they do. I’m not there yet, but holding a grudge won’t help anyone, least of all me.

6. Gratitude — In times like these, it may be hard to find things to be thankful for. Or not. Maybe, the best time to express gratitude is when circumstances appear dark and dire, like now. And yet we can count our gifts: We are fortunate to be alive. We are fortunate to be loved. The Dalai Lama points out that, sometimes, we’re given a “difficult gift,” which can be an opportunity to rise to the challenge. With this in mind, I am grateful to be able to witness history in the making. I’m grateful for finding small ways to help others who have less than I do; for instance, taking food to the local homeless shelter. I am grateful for having many blessings I can count.

7. Compassion — Self-preservation is the order of the day. Putting yourself and your family first only makes sense. But there is more. We are social animals. We need each other in order to survive — that is a central definition of community, and this is a time of community, writ large. Practicing patience and showing genuine concern for the welfare of others may help everyone, most of all, you. When I’m upset with somebody, or a group of people, I find that being compassionate toward them helps me exhale. I try to understand “where they’re coming from,” their pain, troubles, and limitations; all the things that make them human, just like me. Sometimes, I succeed, sometimes, I don’t.

8. Generosity — Social distancing is, in itself, an act of generosity. I don’t know that we see it that way, but we should. It is a form of giving, of honoring the lives of others. There’s an expression in the fund-raising business that you should “give ‘til it hurts.” Yet, today, people are taking as much as they can. They run around buying up toilet paper, hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes, hoarding them like squirrels hoarding acorns in autumn. They leave little for others. In fact, they don’t even think about “others.” Why not? I went into a supermarket last week for bottled water. There were six one gallon containers left on the almost-empty shelf. I took two and left four. I could have taken them all. (Yes, I could also have taken just one.) As I walked to the car, I felt as though I’d done the right thing and a sudden warmth snuck into my bones. I hope someone will leave a little for me, someday.

Clearly, these eight pillars are all connected, just like we are. And, they stand strongest when they work together, just like we do. I hope these eight pillars bring you closer to the joy you deserve in these difficult times.

The post A time for JOY appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

Louis C.K. described how we get our noses out of joint when a text we’re sending doesn’t go through immediately. Or, how in the “old days,” when telephones came with rotary dials, we became impatient if a particular phone number had too many zeros or nines, meaning we’d have to wait as the rotor circled all the way back, before we could dial the next digit. His point wasn’t just that we’re spoiled instant gratification junkies; it’s that we’ve become change junkies: Enough is never enough. Fast needs to be faster. What’s new is not as cool as what’s next.

As I took all of this in, I looked out of my window. What met my gaze were the Rocky Mountains. They presented a stark contrast to what now seemed to be trivial, insignificant bitching about nothing — to our obsession with change.

For all our craving for change, I was struck by the contrary idea that we are our own Rockies — inviolable mountains with cores that defy change.

When it comes to change, here’s my conclusion: In the end, we love most what doesn’t change: nature, the Rockies, the essential character of the people we care about, which hopefully includes ourselves. Yet, change is inevitable. So, what’s the solution?

My advice to you is to embrace the identity paradox: the ability to change from a changeless foundation.

Every individual and organization has at their center an immutable core — an identity — that makes them who they are. If you embrace this core, you can “change” how you express yourself without upsetting the apple cart. You can remain authentic while staying relevant. This is the power of the identity paradox. 

One more thing: The next time a text takes a few extra seconds to go through, don’t sweat it. Just give thanks for the miracle you hold in your hands.

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The Catholic Church and its propensity for hiding sex crimes under its robes

BP and its failure to deal with the Deep Horizon explosion before the fact (and after it, for a time)

Penn State and its protection of its football program over the protection of young children

The BBC for the sexual misconduct of 81 staff — half of which still work for the broadcaster (so much for the “integrity of the source”)

The US for the Great Recession, which put us all at grave risk, leading to the destruction of wealth as well as human dignity, due to the loss of millions of jobs

You can tell a crisis from a run-of-the-mill problem, or even scandal, because, figuratively speaking, a crisis cuts into the flesh and bone of a company or person. Invariably, it makes us look into the abyss – into ourselves – to see whether we still are who we thought we were.

From where I sit, the greatest danger lurking inside a crisis is not recognizing it for what it is, which leads to a kind of crisis inside the crisis, or simply, the crisis crisis.

The crisis crisis happens when you claw your way through it by hook or by crook. You survive it, but you don’t change. And then, what? You’re doomed to repeat it. A crisis ignored, skirted, or denied is cancerous. It may recede for a time but it will be back, stronger, and more virulent than ever. That is the inevitable result of a crisis crisis.

Don’t let this happen to you. What I mean by “this” isn’t necessarily having a crisis. Sometimes, it’s inevitable, especially for people. What I am referring to is not allowing a crisis crisis to occur, whether it is in relation to your company or yourself. If a crisis hits, see it for the seminal event it is. Make the most of it, even as you work to overcome it. See it as an opportunity to learn, to change, to grow. 

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Which leads me to my point: Often, a seeming business problem, is something else; it’s an identity problem. You just don’t recognize it.

If you want to know when a business problem may be an identity problem, here are 5 signs to watch out for – any one will do the trick. 1) Frequent re-organizations, 2) a growing portfolio of un-integrated acquisitions, 3) loss of brand relevance, 4) persistent turnover at senior levels, and 5) low employee engagement.

At the moment, the poster child for this alternate reality is Yahoo. The notion that Yahoo has an identity problem is public knowledge; my concern is that Marissa Mayer, Yahoo’s new CEO, and her team aren’t going to ask the right questions. (Deciding whether the concern is a media company or a content company is, at best, a place to start.)

If any of the signs I note above apply to your company, change the conversation, now. You’ll be surprised at what emerges.

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We love change. We hate change. We want more. We fear more. We aspire. We demure.

The new year is a call for hope. For possibility. For “maybe this time.” It’s a worthy pursuit. But, here’s the rub: Most people are trying, unconsciously, to change who they are. Bad idea. You can’t. So when you try, it often leads to let down.

Better plan: Before you exercise your outside, exercise your inside. Examine why it’s been so hard to get moving in the first place. Start with  these 3 “exercises:”

1. Write down 2 things about yourself you love and do NOT want to change, ever!
2. Tell someone (starting with you) how you will feel about yourself when you reach your physical target (lose 10 pounds, run 3 miles, do 25 push-ups, etc.).
3. Let yourself off the hook. It’s OK to not want to go at the gym, sometimes. Acknowledge that feeling – most people have them – ask yourself why, then go anyway. (I’ve talked to people who’ve told me that reason they stopped going is because they didn’t like to feel bad about themselves – not because they were lazy. So, admit what you really feel and move on!)

I know you have the courage to do these things. And when you do, I know you’ll be one of the folks whose face I wind up recognizing in June, long after the “hopefuls” have lost their juice.

One more thing: Write me and tell me how it goes!

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This is a challenge of personal differentiation.

Personal differentiation may include more training in one’s current trade or profession, or even training in new fields. But it also depends heavily on something closer to home: Getting a clear handle on one’s identity as the source of their value-creating potential—and then determining where these powerful capacities can be best applied, to everyone’s benefit.

Promoting who you are, not just what you can do isn’t a conventional resume item. Yet, blending identity information into one’s work history and goals can transform the impact of a resume, in ways that help you stand out from the proverbial crowd.This may be cold comfort for people who have been blinded by chronic unemployment, and who are slowly melting into the background, but it is nonetheless true.

So… Is our new jobs economy killing people in the name of productivity? Such inexcusable irony.

You don’t have to take a life to kill a soul.

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Flickr photo courtesy of H. Kopp Delaney 

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I recently read an article about Starbucks and its attempt to rejuvenate itself by going back to its essential, idiosyncratic roots, its eclectic, neighborhood gestalt, which eventually spawned its enormous success. Analysts are betting against the company’s ability to make this work. Howard Schultz, Starbuck’s founder and current CEO, says it will. I say it will. Why? Because innovating from the core – going ‘back to the future’ to jump-start innovation is the most natural act in the world.

Ford does it by continuing to ‘democratize the automobile,’ something it’s been good at since 1900.

IBM does it by applying technology solutions to solve the world’s thorniest business – and now societal – problems.

Apple does it by irrepressibly finding new ways to ‘humanize the computer.’

How does your company do it?

Why are we obsessed with promulgating the “new and improved” when the life of our organizations depends on constantly re-interpreting its original vision, or purpose in ways that marry up to how people and markets are changing?

Why do we look outside for answers that are right under our noses?

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Flickr photo courtesy of H. Kopp Delaney

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Ever since “the vision thing” collided with “execution is everything,” people have failed to resolve the ‘what is more important’ tug-of-war between these two powerful forces. Here, I offer a way to resolve the debate to everyone’s potential satisfaction (or consternation). Forget business for a moment; let’s garden.

It’s a simple fix, really, with a simple manifesto: Be the gardener. To all prospective CGO’s – chief garden officers – follow these instructions for a healthy organization.

Envision the harvest you want your business to produce, then, start with a few well-placed seeds: the right people, ideas, products, technology, capital, etc. Water, fertilize, tend, weed. In relation to your objectives, do all the little things gardens require in order to bloom. Beware over-fertilizing or watering in the name of speed. It will kill your plants. Don’t try and force growth. It just won’t work.

Combined, vision and execution are both a matter of cultivation. Practice being the gardener with your business – or your life – and small accomplishments will have great significance as your company – and you – blossom.

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