Imagine you see what is possible, when others only see what exists in the moment.

Imagine you can inspire hope, when nearly all hope is lost.

No need to imagine it. You already possess these powers.

Here is a passage about someone who accomplished all of this, despite impossible odds.

…The Nazis gave him a number.

 …His manuscript, which they burned, became the book that saved millions.

…The man they tried to reduce to nothing proved that humans can never be reduced to nothing—as long as they can find a reason to live.

 …Prisoner 119104 didn’t just survive Auschwitz. He transformed the worst of human evil into humanity’s greatest wisdom about resilience.

 …He turned suffering itself into a source of healing.

 …History gave him immortality.

 …The identity they tried to erase became a light that guided people through darkness …

 His name was Viktor Frankl. His identity was a bulwark that stood against the forces of destruction that surrounded him – a unique and unbreakable gift that informed his life and the contribution he made to humanity, in spite of everything.

You don’t have to be Viktor Frankl to have an identity that, in its particularly illuminating way, has the power to make life better for others and, in turn, yourself. That identity already resides within you. The only question is how you will apply it – for whom and to what end?

One of my former clients, Chris, runs an investment advisory firm here in Connecticut. A few years ago, he approached me with a wish – to not be just another financial advisor who manages money; he wanted to do more, but wasn’t sure what that was. He had an itch that needed to be scratched and was curious about this “identity thing.”

Chris did the spadework necessary to clarify his identity and then, how his discovery could be used to serve clients in ways that would be helpful to them and meaningful to him.

What came of Chris’s work? He stated his identity in these words: I am Chris, and I am driven to help individuals live the one life they have the best way they can. Chris’s identity had revealed his purpose.

These individuals were no longer simply clients; they were people with vulnerabilities and limitations as well as hopes and aspirations, all of which became a framework for building more authentic, lasting relationships.

Chris’s identity became the lens through which he decided which individuals he could best serve and which ones weren’t right for him. Further, he asked his staff to adopt this basic philosophy for themselves so it became a firm-wide approach.

Here is a very rough sketch of how Chris arrived at his identity statement. Apologies. Most of the words are illegible. But it shows the amount of effort he put into getting to the top of his ‘identity pyramid.’

When I visited Chris a month or so after our work together was complete, he showed me a modest-sized glass pyramid he had had made with much of this information embedded in it. It sat at the front edge of his desk. He told me that he liked it when clients asked him about it…that not only was it an important conversation starter; it was a point of pride for him.

The impact of identity – of identity-based living – can take many forms, from saving millions to helping a few. No matter. What matters is that you do it.

You have the power to change how the world works.

You see what is possible.

You can inspire hope.

Imagine that!

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In short, he is not hopeful that AI’s benefits will outweigh its potential drawbacks. Murphy writes that “a fraud is being perpetuated on the American people and our pliant, gullible political leaders. The leaders of the artificial intelligence industry in the United States are rapacious in their desire to build wealth and power, comfortable knowingly putting aside the destructive power of their product, and claim that any meaningful regulation of AI in America will allow China to leapfrog the United States to control the world’s AI infrastructure.”

What is most insidious in my eyes aren’t the geopolitics of AI; it is something much more personal to all of us …

… the idea, stated here that “fake video and audio, without accountability or legal liability, could obliterate any notion of objective truth. The social isolation crisis that already exists, especially for American teens, could be set on fire by AI chatbots and ‘friendship programs’ in which Mark Zuckerberg wants to replace human friends with robot friends. (Really!) Murphy continues: The substitution of essential human functions – like composition, creativity and conversation – by machines will likely lead to incalculable spiritual atrophy.”

The title to Senator Murphy’s piece ends with these words: “…we risk losing ourselves.” The thought is positively chilling. Who are we if not, first and foremost, ourselves? The idea of being able to create a fabricated human “being,” even, if just on a screen, strikes me as a Godless act that in its own right, and multiplied millions of times, is a recipe for widespread social dysfunction. Such a wave would undermine the very meaning of trust. How can I trust you, if what I see and hear in front of me may not be true at all?

Some years ago, I wrote a newsletter entitled I am who I say I am! (Maybe not). It was my attempt to call out the emerging dangers of social media, which were leading young people to fabricate “identities” online that, unwittingly, pulled them away from their natural selves, stretching the band of credibility, sometimes to the breaking point. It was written well in advance of the AI movement, which now exponentially increases the risks I cited.

What keeps me up at night is another fact of online life, which Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor, describes this way. She says that Facebook and Twitter (now X) give us the power to “present the self we want to be,” carefully tailoring our status updates and retouching photos of ourselves. Or worse: creating identities that aren’t real at all.  It’s a slippery slope. What starts out as fun, morphs into fantasy, which may no longer be tethered to reality. And then what?

Amid all the pressing challenges AI poses to the human experience, there is good news. It is rooted in the true nature of human identity. I am not referring to your social position, your religion, sexual orientation, or gender, or parental status, or your work or any other affiliation you may embrace to help define yourself. As important as these associations may be, none of them explains who you are, at your core – your fundamental identity. What makes you, you are those unique characteristics that define your potential for making a special contribution in the world, something that springs naturally from the substance of your being, transcending the labels we use to locate ourselves in the world.

With this in mind, the only way we can “lose ourselves,” as Senator Murphy warns, is if we forget, ignore, or try to abandon our innate identities. Consider your identity to be an impenetrable fortress against the onslaught of the many and growing dangers AI brings, a sturdy keel in stormy waters.

There is no person walking this planet who doesn’t have the capacity to live through his or her identity. You are the one who matters. You are where the world begins. Remember that you are inviolable. No one, no matter how ‘intelligent’, can take your identity away from you. AI will never be able to replace, diminish, or change who you are. No one, nothing, can make you be someone you are not.

As AI complicates life – at times confusing it and at times clarifying it – know that your identity is the one true thing you can count on and that it is eternal.

Never lose sight of who you are.

The post In the age of AI, your identity is the only truth you can count on appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

Note: In March 2016, 6 months before the presidential election, I published the first version of this article. Now, 8 years later, the topic is even more pressing, even more distressing. I have made several changes to make it current.

It’s the season when birds start to look south, their songs still with us, but fewer and, perhaps, a bit less intense than they were in the spring. With that in mind, I know you’re all dying to know how it is that birds are able to fly. So, here’s the answer:  Birds use their strong breast muscles to flap their wings to give them the thrust they need to move through the air. Further, birds use a swimming-forward motion to get the lift they need to fly. 

Naturally, both wings need to move in unison to achieve lift-off and sustain flight. It doesn’t take much to imagine the flight path of a bird whose wings are working against each other, pulling (or pushing) in different directions, or flapping at different speeds. The chance of actually breaking a wing (or two) becomes a distinct possibility. 

Welcome to America…

Today, we have a right wing that is stretching as far to the right as possible. This wing is advocating attitudes and preaching policies that are fueled by fear, my-way-or-the-highway injunctions and exclusionary imperatives. These imperatives are clear in the words of Donald Trump and other MAGA Republicans.

We also have a left wing that is stretching as far to the left as possible. This wing is advocating attitudes and preaching policies that are excessive in their idealism and economically suspect – in short, polyannaish to a fault. For all his sincerity and seeming love of America, Joe Biden’s policies tended to give away the store in the name of helping everyone, all at once. Blank-check diplomacy, at home and abroad, is simply unsustainable. Where Kamala Harris comes out on economic priorities, as well as on other vital, U.S. interests has yet to be determined.

What is distressing, is that each wing believes it holds the answer to what America’s real identity is. “We” really are a red nation, whose fundamental values are deeply conservative. “We” really are a blue nation, whose fundamental values are rooted in progressive ideals.

“We” are neither. In the midst of this turmoil, I keep asking myself: But, what about the bird? What about America, the nation? The institution? Is our essential identity really all about the wings?

Who are we now?

For nearly 250 years, Democracy has been the wind beneath our wings, both of them. Yet today, America-the-bird is struggling to stay aloft thanks to the frantic tug-of-war between its wings and, in turn, the fate of democracy may be on the line. In fact, America-the-bird is hobbled, laboring under the weight of its’ wings. And, so, its’ flight path is indeterminable and dangerously out of control.

The eagle is no longer soaring.

I imagine the sound of that magnificent bird, its’ high-pitched, prolonged, gull-like peal, crying out to be made whole again, its two wings brought more into synch with one another in an effort to set it on a once-again, more powerful and stable trajectory.

Does the bird have a soul?

I believe it does. And if you’d like to comprehend it, I recommend reading the finest book I have ever come across about what it means to be America – The American Soul by Jacob Needleman.

The founders of our country, Needleman argues, conceived of an “inner democracy” – a continual pursuit of wisdom and self-improvement that would undergird the outer democracy in which we live today.  We have lost touch with that inner democracy. It lies in despair, abandoned and ignored by both wings. And it is the bird who is suffering.

We are suffering.

What now?

Politics, in my view, is a desperate game. It is ironic that politics is killing the very body that it purports to represent. The soul of America is not right wing or left wing. It is at once both and neither. I view America as exasperatingly, imperfectly human and yet exquisitely beautiful, bigger and more potent than either one of its wings. But America’s soul – its’ defining identity – has, for the moment, been lost to those wings.

If you know of a candidate, a party more interested in protecting the bird than its wings, let me know. He or she, somehow, will get my vote. And my prayers.

Have a view? Peck out a few words and let me know what you think.

The post …But what about the bird? (v.2) appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

Authenticity. There isn’t much of it out there these days. Maybe there is among the animals who don’t know anything else. They never learned how to fake it. Increasingly, we humans are faced with fake almost-everything: fake news, fake images, fake claims. Artificial intelligence is only compounding the problem.

And yet, authenticity remains a popular idea. It’s written about in books by famous leaders (e.g., Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic), called for by employees who want to make a strong connection with their bosses and coworkers, advertised by jeans makers (Wrangler is “genuine”), and immortalized by soda companies (Coke: “The Real Thing”). It’s easier to promote it than to live it.

Being authentic in one’s self isn’t always a simple task. It takes insight, courage, honesty, and more – a sometimes inexplicable urge to simply be true to who you are, to the man or woman in the mirror. Being authentic with others can be even more challenging. Why? Because authentic relationships can lead to vulnerability.

Are you willing to open up to someone – your wife, husband or partner, your son or daughter, your best friend, or the person sitting next to you at the bar – and let your hair down? …

Sometimes, it’s easier to share your true feelings with the person at the bar than with your spouse or partner. It’s safer since you don’t have to be held accountable for your sentiments after you leave.

In our search for authentic relationships, we long for what we often fear: intimacy.

I was on safari in Africa a few years ago, sitting in my tent one afternoon, when my tent mate asked me if I knew what intimacy was all about. Before I could answer, he offered this idea: He said to me that intimacy really means ‘in to me see.’  That insight has stayed with me ever since. For all the dictionary definitions of intimacy, the one my friend proposed speaks volumes, for it is an invitation to share at the level of one’s soul, to “speak” soul to soul, privately, intentionally, courageously.

So, then, can we say that a search for authenticity is really a search for intimacy? And that the bridge between authenticity and intimacy can include vulnerability?

Several years ago, a major newspaper published an article describing an exchange between Jack Welch, the previous CEO of General Electric, and William Harrison, prior Chairman of J.P. Morgan that highlighted the power of authenticity.

“In addition to holding their strategic discussions, the article stated, Mr. Welch and Mr. Harrison spent significant time together honing the executive training program at J.P. Morgan. Mr. Welch was particularly impressed with Mr. Harrison’s use of a group exercise in which senior J.P. Morgan executives, including Mr. Harrison, wrote on a board the personal and professional experiences – the more painful, the better – that helped them evolve as people. “Bill was very good at it,’ Mr. Welch said. ‘It makes you become simpatico with the guy.’”

 In that experience, Mr. Welch and Mr. Harrison bonded; they got “intimate” in a way that most likely led to a more fulfilling and productive relationship. They learned that they could trust one another.

So, at the end of the authenticity trail, lies trust. How can I trust you, if you aren’t going to be real with me? And if I can’t trust you, how can I, if you’re a leader in my company, follow you?

If you’re not going to be authentic, how can I love you?  The question is as pressing for couples, friends, and families as it is for business people.

Authenticity opens to vulnerability, which opens to intimacy, which, finally, opens to trust. If you want people to trust you, you need to be authentic, to be yourself. There’s no easy formula for becoming authentic, or testing whether you are. You can’t ask someone if they think you’re authentic; they really won’t know, even if your eyes are flooded with tears. You’re the only one who knows if you’re being authentic.

Each of us must find his or her own path to authenticity and the road it illuminates. First, though, you need to decide how much authenticity is worth to you. What kind of relationships do you want to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up with the people who matter most to you? How do you want to be remembered?

The animals don’t know anything but authenticity and don’t have to work to get it. The buck in search of a mate is unambiguous in his hunt. The mother bear who protects her cubs at all costs makes no bones about her intentions. Being authentic is an easier path for them than for us. So, are the animals the lucky ones?

I don’t believe so. We are the lucky ones, for in struggling to be authentic, we must struggle with ourselves. In doing so, we become fuller, richer, more valuable individuals to ourselves and to others.

What does authenticity mean to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

The post Let’s get real! appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

What is my message? is a question that has an out-sized impact on our lives, even when we aren’t aware of it. We are forced to answer the question in all sorts of ways. It comes up in the essays we write as part of our college applications, where admissions officers strain to figure out which candidates to accept and which to reject. The question raises its head again as we search for jobs after graduation – whether from high school, college, or graduate school – and are faced with the not-so-simple task of expressing who we are on one or two pieces of paper called a resume. 

If you succeed in your job, you come face to face with the question again, as you rise through the ranks to a supervisory, or leadership, position. What is your message, then, to the people who work for you? …

… Not, what tasks do you want them to complete, but, rather, why should they follow you, beyond the fact that you’re their boss? 

The question slips into our lives on more modest levels as well: for instance, at large social gatherings when you are introduced to people for the first time. Or, at intimate dinner parties, when you are one of only a handful of people, who are thrust together for three or four hours and need to figure out how to keep the conversation going. 

In all of these situations, you have a choice. You can try to discern what is important to someone else and tell them what you believe they want to hear. You can supply information you feel is safe and easy for others to digest. Or, you can make a point of finding ways to tell people something about who you are at your core, and risk making yourself vulnerable, if only for a moment. 

The fact is that taking the “safe” route isn’t safe at all. Most people, from college admissions directors and would-be friends, to the people who report to you at work, are searching for signs that give them reason to believe that you are someone with integrity — someone they can trust. 

This is where identity comes into play — those special characteristics that reveal how you create unique value in the world. Your identity is ‘an integrity machine.’ It expresses what makes you the individual you are. It invites people to trust you. 

Hiding what you stand for takes a toll on everyone. It may make it easier for you to navigate business or social relationships that require chameleon-like skills to maintain, but, over time, it erodes your sense of self-worth: you know you’re faking it. Moreover, keeping your true self hidden makes life harder for others by keeping them guessing; off balance, in fact. 

Until I faced an auditorium full of people who were interested in the subject of identity, I had kept my message under wraps, at least publicly. For years, I’d lived under the radar. While working with companies and individuals, I knew who I was, and, certainly, I let my passion for identity show in everything I did. Yet, I never had the courage to stand up and be counted. I had let my writings and my work speak for me. Now, I would speak for myself; I would make my message clear: I am Larry Ackerman and I am driven by the need to help people to see. As I spoke these words in that auditorium that day, I exhaled deeply. I felt completely naked as I stood before my audience, knowing there was no going back. I was finally free. 

Answering the question, what is my message? Is liberating. It frees you from the fear of telling the world who you are and doing what you know you must. It brings the self-confidence to not be deterred by what others may think of you, even in the face of possible rejection. You may also realize that you no longer have a choice: you must take a stand. 

Consider your message a personal declaration — a commitment to follow one path and walk away from others. What makes declarations so powerful is their intent, which, in short, is to remove doubt. It is to make something clear to people that wasn’t clear before. Personal declarations lift the veil of mystery. They state something emphatically about who you are, often, for the first time. 

Your identity is the source of that declaration, the essence of your message. It’s a message the world needs to hear. 

The post What is my message (and why does it matter)? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

Underneath this seeming impasse, however, there are profound similarities that transcend our declared differences and which make us kin. In short, most of us want the same thing: to make a contribution in the world and be rewarded for it in return. However you define it, we all want to attain a rich life.

(Don’t) sweat it.

Asking yourself whether your life will be rich is one of those questions that makes us sweat. Some people sweat from the anxiety that comes from simply not knowing the answer. Others sweat from the burning hope that, maybe someday, they will make it big, cash in, hit the jackpot. Any reference to “rich” instantly conjures up images of money and the things money can buy. These things can range from luxury cars and fancy homes, to fine educations for our children and, perhaps most of all, to the supposed freedom from worry being rich implies…

Still others sweat because they realize that if they stick to the course they’re on, the answer to the question, will my life be rich? will, probably, be no. Their well-meaning efforts to protect what they’ve accumulated, or to acquire more of it, have taken over their lives. Along with their jobs, their days are governed by “to-do” lists, mortgages, tuition payments, soccer games, lawn mowing, bake sales, dance recitals, church suppers, and on and on. Despite the satisfaction many of these experiences may bring, they have squeezed out any hope of giving voice to the deeper passions that keep us alive inside, as the individuals we are.

People are sweating the wrong things. For all the time you invest in trying to “know” how things will turn out in your life, what actually happens in the future remains a mystery. For all the effort you may put into getting rich in financial terms, unforeseen circumstances can derail your dream. For all the energy you invest in owning up to the fact that you’ve left no room in your life for you, regret will accomplish nothing.

What is worth sweating is whether you do right by yourself and others. This sequence – first, you and then other people – is deliberate. It is only when you build relationships that reflect who you are at your core that you can “do right” by others. Your identity — the unique contribution you’re capable of making — is the living lens through which you can most confidently make informed decisions, engage the world, and thereby, fashion a life that you and others can believe in.

It is also worth sweating how you define rich. There is nothing wrong with money. Yet, as much as wealth may be about money, it is equally about those things that, like a magnet, draw people to you — and you to them — over and over again. For instance, the love you share with family and friends, the heart-felt recognition you receive from co-workers that fuels your determination to redouble your efforts at whatever you did to win that recognition in the first place.

Here today, here tomorrow

The idea of attaining a “rich life” is an invitation for you to decide what truly matters. What are the things that, when combined, will add up to a life you will be proud to call your own? In this vein, it’s also worth sweating what your legacy will be. Will the commitments you make and the actions you take today leave people better off because you were here? The question, will my life be rich? isn’t just about today; it is equally about tomorrow. It is about how you will be remembered and what you will be remembered for.

Here are a few simple steps you can take to build a rich life through the lens of your identity:

Clarify what “rich” means to you. Consider every aspect of your life in terms of the relationships that frame it. Write down the “ideal state” for each of these relationships – how you envision each might change, if it were fully informed by your identity. What would be different? What would stay the same?

• Your relationship with work — your job, your colleagues, your career
• Your relationship with your partner, or spouse
• Your relationship with your family
• Your relationship with your friends
• Your relationship with your community

It is intriguing to think about how our irreconcilable differences might fade, at least a bit, if we were to talk in terms of the rich lives we want to build, rather than the lives we want to tear down. We all work (or did). We all have, or seek a life partner. We all have families and friends whom we rely on, just as they rely on us. It would be no surprise if what we aspired to create in each of these vital relationships were uncannily similar.

We should start there.

The post Will my life be rich? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

In the 1999 movie, Analyze This, Billy Chrystal plays a psychiatrist who’s treating a mafia boss.There’s a scene with a meeting of mob bosses, where Billy Chrystal unexpectedly shows up and sits in for his patient. Surprised, one of the other bosses asks him, Who are you? He answers: “Who am I? Who am I? Oh, that’s a question for the ages!” 

Call it cosmic, unknowable, confusing, headache-inducing, or just plain tough to answer, who am I? is a question which has been asked, in various ways, by everyone from great philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle to decidedly not-so-famous people: that jumble of “regular folk” who make their lives in the far-flung cities, towns and villages we call home. Asking the question, who am I? makes kin of us all…

Today, the question has become a cultural lightning rod, touching gender, race, politics and religion among other categories we dip into to help define ourselves and others. None of these categories, however, helps clarify your identity. Instead, they distort its true meaning and power — that to know who you are is to know why you are here, and, in turn, what to do, what not to do, and why.

You might ask yourself, am I not a Jones, a Stern, a Tanaka? – the child of a good family? Am I not a loyal Christian, a pious Jew, a devout Muslim? Am I not American? Or, Turkish? Or Indian? Am I not a successful Black female ballet dancer? At least, a hard-working plumber? Is this not enough? If not, who am I then?

You may be any combination of these things. But none of these descriptions answers the question, who am I? That is because, despite their importance in how you define yourself, these labels serve to mask, rather than reveal, who you are at your core. In short, you are not your labels; you are simply you.

Answering the question, who am I?, brings with it the promise of affirmation – nothing less than the awakening of your spirit. It is no great feat to verify that you exist in physical terms. Your five senses do that for you, automatically. It is something else entirely to experience yourself as self-aware and fully awake.

Experiencing this confirmation of your self is prelude to everything else you will learn and do in relation to your life. Once you have found this feeling, you’ll be ready to discover what makes you unique as an individual and the potential it holds for how you engage with the world.

What’s the way forward?

The way to know who you are is by first defining yourself as separate from all others. Within the context of identity, separation isn’t about being physically or emotionally remote from people – physical separation isn’t especially difficult to achieve and emotional connections are essential for strong relationships.

Separation is about putting some healthy distance between yourself and other people so you can step back and see, really see, yourself within the context of your relationships. How are you different from your best friend, your brother, mother, or your boss, in terms of your personality, your values and talents? Answering these questions is an exercise in clarifying boundaries that mark turf belonging just to you, no matter how close you are to others.

What you’re looking for in separation is independence – the ability to think and act on your own and in your own best interests, despite what others may expect of you. Defining yourself as separate from others is about finding your own integrity as an individual.

What’s possible?

If more people knew their true identities, it’s likely that we’d all be better off. Families might show greater regard for one another as individuals. Teams would function more effectively, taking advantage of each member’s distinctive strengths. Organizations might hire more of the right people for the right reasons. Individuals, like you and me, might simply sleep more soundly at night.

Who are you? People want to know.

The post Who am I? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

We all love something. But, what we, at first, claim to love isn’t what I’m talking about. In fact, it may not be what you really love at all. I’ll come back to this point shortly. But first, let’s clarify why what you love matters.

Every relationship you have is shaped in part by what you love, whether it’s your relationship with your partner, your friends, your kids, or, maybe most important, the company you work for — or want to work for. What you love may seem like an innocuous idea, but it says a lot about who you are, what you’re passionate about, and what you’re naturally good at … Could be that what brought you together with your spouse in the first place was a shared love of cooking. Or, maybe you met him at a Grateful Dead concert, or in a book club. What bonds you to your son or daughter in some special way? A love of baseball, or dance, or fly fishing, where you share visceral experiences and then indelible memories?

What you love has a particularly significant role to play when it comes to understanding the contribution you’re capable of making at work. While it’s always good to find common ground with a prospective boss or your current peers based on mutual interests — we enjoy football; we like trekking on the Appalachian Trail; we like baking bread — that’s not what I’m talking about. Which brings me back to what you really love.

The talent connection

The seemingly commonplace things you say you love are the gateways to finding what it is you truly love — natural, if hidden talents that are central to your success in your job, even in your career. Here’s an example, based on a young woman named Morgan.

Morgan loves dance. Why? What does dance mean to her? Upon reflection, she realized that it’s about movement to music, body coordination, listening to rhythm. That was only step one. She continued unpacking what it was about dance that grabbed her.

Why number two: Why did she love movement to music? Her answers: it was about mental and physical alignment, synchronizing, and being keenly aware of her senses. Finally, her third why: Why, for instance, did she love being aware of her senses? Because, as she discovered, she had a deep understanding of harmony, its importance in the context of teamwork, and was skilled at achieving it.

Through this exercise, Morgan discovered that what she really loved — indeed, had a gift for — was harmony. It was there all along, but it required her taking a deep dive into the meaning of dance to be able to unearth it. This was one of several such discoveries Morgan made, which, together, provided her with a new foundation for knowing how to work most effectively with others and where she could make the greatest difference.

The activities you say you love are the tip of the iceberg. They hold the keys to clarifying your natural strengths — those innate capacities that allow you to foster positive change in, with, and through others.

What do you love and why do you love it — really?

The post What do you love (And why does it matter?) appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

In my last Viewsletter, I referred to the Book of Joy, published in 2016, which condenses a week’s worth of discussions between Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama into a compendium of wisdom. In today’s complicated world, I believe it’s worth looking at joy, once again, not just as the theme of a book, or even an emotion; but, as a framework for living that can help us weather the storm we’re all in.

With that in mind, I’ve taken the conversation about joy beyond Archbishop Tutu and the Dalai Lama to include other luminaries and near-luminaries, whose words add texture, depth, and color to the subject.

Here are eight quotations, which speak to each of the pillars of joy described in the book and what I see as the meaning of the quote…

1 Perspective

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”

― Frances Hodgson Burnett

It is. The question is whether it’s filled with flowers or weeds. Underneath perspective lies choice. We choose to see what’s there, or what isn’t. As hard as it is at times, I choose to see flowers.

2 Humility

A great man is always willing to be little.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t believe there are many great men, today, which is unfortunate. We need more of them: great men and great women, to stand as role models for all of us. I believe humility is fueled by true self-confidence and stoked by courage; the courage to let go of the ego that keeps us tethered to insecurity. There is power in a humble voice, because it acts like a magnet, drawing us to it, closer and closer, until we can finally hear what is being said. Sometimes, it’s big to be small. 

3  Humor

“There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”

— Victor Borge

And, the truth hurts. Does that mean that pain is funny? I don’t believe so. I do believe that the truth, when pointed in our direction, is a mirror of our imperfections as human beings. If we can find humor in our imperfections, if we can find the strength to laugh at ourselves, our ability to navigate life sharpens. That’s not funny; it’s true.

4 Acceptance

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

― Maya Angelou

It is a special place, that home, and it is hard to find, but it is there, always there. That home is your identity, that soft rock at the center of all things human. That home is no less than your sanctuary, where you can be — must be — simply, you. There is no rent or mortgage to pay. The only obligation is to pay attention. Safe home.

5 Forgiveness

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

How big are your muscles? I’m still working on mine. Forgiveness is a two-edged sword. On one hand it is liberating, like cleaning out a closet long overrun by useless stuff. On the other hand, part of what you’re clearing out is the pain you’ve kept alive by not forgiving. Forgiveness frees you from pain, allowing you to fly.

6 Gratitude

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

― Epicurus

Contrary to the popular saying, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Nor, is it really worth keeping up with the Joneses. Especially, today. Gratitude costs nothing. If you’re loved, if you are healthy, if you can eat, sleep, and peer into the eyes of nature from behind your mask, be grateful. More isn’t necessarily more.

7 Compassion

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

― Leo Buscaglia

Compassion is like a magic act that amazes in its seeming impossibility. Yet, we choose to accept it because it moves us. It causes us to suspend disbelief and marvel at its power to make us believe. I am always heartened when I can offer a random act of kindness that lift someone up, even a little. The joy in the voice of the hospital coordinator, whom I called simply to say thank you for helping me cut through red tape. The weekly dollar I gave to the guy at the corner of Madison and 49^th Street, who nods his head in appreciation. What he does with that dollar doesn’t matter. I try.

8 Generosity

“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

― John Bunyan

I see compassion and generosity as kissin’ cousins. They are two sides of the same coin. Both call for giving without asking for something in return. ‘Live generously’ is an expression I learned from a friend whose successful career reflects this idea. I believe there is a mountain of gold waiting for you, when you do something for someone, simply, because they need it; no ulterior motive, no tit-for-tat, no negotiated, mutual back-scratching. Just, because. Live generously.

Do any of these quotes move you? If so, please weigh in. Let people know what joy means to you.

The post What does joy mean to you? appeared first on Larry Ackerman.

The other day, I came across a book I haven’t read in a while, The Book of Joy. It is based upon a weeklong conversation between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu that is woven into a revealing narrative. The two men reflect on their personal experiences and outline what they call the eight pillars of joy. In re-reading the book, I was struck by how relevant these pillars are today as we navigate a new way of being in the world.

Here are the eight pillars, what each suggests for where we are today, and my own take on them…

!. Perspective — We have a choice in how we see things right now. We have the ability to reframe our situation more positively, and the way we see the world is how we experience it. In turn, how we see the world changes the way we feel and how we act. As hard as it is, I choose to believe that some good will come from our suffering. Perhaps, we will mature as a nation and as global citizens and realize that we really are one people, that our most essential needs, for health and economic security, are the same. Perhaps, then, we can forge policies that help us meet those needs.

2. Humility — The Coronavirus has brought us up short. In forcing us to change our ways, the virus makes it hard for someone to consider himself or herself above it all; somehow, better than everyone else, or more deserving. Like it or not, we have all been humbled. I like the feeling that humility brings. It is slowing me down. It is leading me to spend more time inside myself, rather than “out there.” I am reminded of how I feel when I look at the Rocky Mountains, or the Grand Tetons: I feel small, knowing that the forces around me are greater than I am. I am okay with that.

3. Humor — The past few weeks have seen an explosion of hysterical jokes, videos, and postings spawned by our predicament: for instance, dogs telling their owners to please go back to work soon, so they can have the house to themselves, again, and all kinds of wry spoofs on the bumpy relationship between President Trump and Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is leading the charge against the virus here in the U.S. I thank God for these jokes and thank whoever comes up with them for doing so. They are helping to keep me sane and grounded, and laughing with family and friends.

4. Acceptance — Acceptance is a close cousin to humility. In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says, “Why be unhappy about something that can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” At the moment, we have no choice but to accept our situation as it stands, so, it makes no sense to stress over it. Every day, I surrender a bit more to our new reality, letting it sink in and slow me down. I feel better when I accept the situation, but I do believe it can, and will, be remedied.

5. Forgiveness — Many mistakes are being made every day by people we’re looking to, to lead us out of this mess, first and foremost, politicians of all stripes. Mistakes are also being made by ‘regular folk’ who are ignoring the warnings to maintain social distancing, if not for their own sake, then, to protect others. They either don’t care, or are living in denial. However, like the rest of us, they are only human. I’m angry and frustrated with all of these people. But I’m working on forgiving them, for they know not what they do. I’m not there yet, but holding a grudge won’t help anyone, least of all me.

6. Gratitude — In times like these, it may be hard to find things to be thankful for. Or not. Maybe, the best time to express gratitude is when circumstances appear dark and dire, like now. And yet we can count our gifts: We are fortunate to be alive. We are fortunate to be loved. The Dalai Lama points out that, sometimes, we’re given a “difficult gift,” which can be an opportunity to rise to the challenge. With this in mind, I am grateful to be able to witness history in the making. I’m grateful for finding small ways to help others who have less than I do; for instance, taking food to the local homeless shelter. I am grateful for having many blessings I can count.

7. Compassion — Self-preservation is the order of the day. Putting yourself and your family first only makes sense. But there is more. We are social animals. We need each other in order to survive — that is a central definition of community, and this is a time of community, writ large. Practicing patience and showing genuine concern for the welfare of others may help everyone, most of all, you. When I’m upset with somebody, or a group of people, I find that being compassionate toward them helps me exhale. I try to understand “where they’re coming from,” their pain, troubles, and limitations; all the things that make them human, just like me. Sometimes, I succeed, sometimes, I don’t.

8. Generosity — Social distancing is, in itself, an act of generosity. I don’t know that we see it that way, but we should. It is a form of giving, of honoring the lives of others. There’s an expression in the fund-raising business that you should “give ‘til it hurts.” Yet, today, people are taking as much as they can. They run around buying up toilet paper, hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes, hoarding them like squirrels hoarding acorns in autumn. They leave little for others. In fact, they don’t even think about “others.” Why not? I went into a supermarket last week for bottled water. There were six one gallon containers left on the almost-empty shelf. I took two and left four. I could have taken them all. (Yes, I could also have taken just one.) As I walked to the car, I felt as though I’d done the right thing and a sudden warmth snuck into my bones. I hope someone will leave a little for me, someday.

Clearly, these eight pillars are all connected, just like we are. And, they stand strongest when they work together, just like we do. I hope these eight pillars bring you closer to the joy you deserve in these difficult times.

The post A time for JOY appeared first on Larry Ackerman.