What is my message? is a question that has an out-sized impact on our lives, even when we aren’t aware of it. We are forced to answer the question in all sorts of ways. It comes up in the essays we write as part of our college applications, where admissions officers strain to figure out which candidates to accept and which to reject. The question raises its head again as we search for jobs after graduation – whether from high school, college, or graduate school – and are faced with the not-so-simple task of expressing who we are on one or two pieces of paper called a resume. 

If you succeed in your job, you come face to face with the question again, as you rise through the ranks to a supervisory, or leadership, position. What is your message, then, to the people who work for you? …

… Not, what tasks do you want them to complete, but, rather, why should they follow you, beyond the fact that you’re their boss? 

The question slips into our lives on more modest levels as well: for instance, at large social gatherings when you are introduced to people for the first time. Or, at intimate dinner parties, when you are one of only a handful of people, who are thrust together for three or four hours and need to figure out how to keep the conversation going. 

In all of these situations, you have a choice. You can try to discern what is important to someone else and tell them what you believe they want to hear. You can supply information you feel is safe and easy for others to digest. Or, you can make a point of finding ways to tell people something about who you are at your core, and risk making yourself vulnerable, if only for a moment. 

The fact is that taking the “safe” route isn’t safe at all. Most people, from college admissions directors and would-be friends, to the people who report to you at work, are searching for signs that give them reason to believe that you are someone with integrity — someone they can trust. 

This is where identity comes into play — those special characteristics that reveal how you create unique value in the world. Your identity is ‘an integrity machine.’ It expresses what makes you the individual you are. It invites people to trust you. 

Hiding what you stand for takes a toll on everyone. It may make it easier for you to navigate business or social relationships that require chameleon-like skills to maintain, but, over time, it erodes your sense of self-worth: you know you’re faking it. Moreover, keeping your true self hidden makes life harder for others by keeping them guessing; off balance, in fact. 

Until I faced an auditorium full of people who were interested in the subject of identity, I had kept my message under wraps, at least publicly. For years, I’d lived under the radar. While working with companies and individuals, I knew who I was, and, certainly, I let my passion for identity show in everything I did. Yet, I never had the courage to stand up and be counted. I had let my writings and my work speak for me. Now, I would speak for myself; I would make my message clear: I am Larry Ackerman and I am driven by the need to help people to see. As I spoke these words in that auditorium that day, I exhaled deeply. I felt completely naked as I stood before my audience, knowing there was no going back. I was finally free. 

Answering the question, what is my message? Is liberating. It frees you from the fear of telling the world who you are and doing what you know you must. It brings the self-confidence to not be deterred by what others may think of you, even in the face of possible rejection. You may also realize that you no longer have a choice: you must take a stand. 

Consider your message a personal declaration — a commitment to follow one path and walk away from others. What makes declarations so powerful is their intent, which, in short, is to remove doubt. It is to make something clear to people that wasn’t clear before. Personal declarations lift the veil of mystery. They state something emphatically about who you are, often, for the first time. 

Your identity is the source of that declaration, the essence of your message. It’s a message the world needs to hear. 

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Sometimes, all of this suffering gets to me, yet I am powerless to alleviate it. It’s too much. Too big. Too far away. Still, to do nothing isn’t an option. I decided a while ago that if I’m not able to lessen suffering on a grand scale, I’d try and do so on a small scale — one person at a time.

One of the unexpected results of writing The Identity Code were readers who asked me whether I could help them realize the promise of the book’s subtitle — to find their purpose and place in the world. I wasn’t coaching at the time, but I decided that I would at least try. I simply had to.

The challenges presented to me varied widely, from people struggling from career angst — unclear about what they should do next — to readers enduring the stresses of faltering personal relationships, Although, these challenges aren’t uncommon in life, what struck me was how each person was — underneath the issue they faced — suffering in their own way. Here are two examples …

Lisa, a 45-year-old lawyer had been with her company for more than 10 years. Professionally speaking, she was clearly successful, having been promoted 4 times and was now the organization’s general counsel. Yet, she was unhappy and, as she told me, tormented by a deep desire to do something else with her life that would provide more personal satisfaction as well as an income. Lisa was stuck and the angst she was feeling was getting in the way of her making progress. She felt she had no choice but to leave her company.

Rory was a 40-year-old Wall Street executive who had recently been laid off. He had made a handsome income, but was in no way well-to-do. His wife, who didn’t work, was divorcing him and had taken their two young children to live with her. Much of Rory’s savings was going to support his family. Rory had been rejected, professionally and personally. He was frightened. He felt paralyzed. Yet he knew he had to find a way to not give up hope; to somehow, “keep going.” 

For these individuals, palpable suffering was getting in the way of living. 

I believe that the worst thing you can do in the name of helping someone move forward is to gloss over their suffering as though it’s not there, or isn’t that important. The next worst thing you can do is to dwell on it. 

In my attempts to relieve suffering in my own small way, here is what I’ve learned and how it might help you or someone you know.

First, quiet the dragons

In Ancient Greek and other mythologies, dragons were fearsome, fire-breathing beasts that stood in the way of people and what they wanted. It’s tough to move forward when a dragon is in your path. It is tough to move forward when you are suffering.

To help someone move forward, start by simply listening, by bearing witness to their pain. Strive to understand their suffering. Let them vent. Have them speak of it, describe it and its impact. Not once, but two or three times, until its’ sting is lessened if not gone. If you can’t slay the dragon, at least quiet it.

Second, unearth your magic

In business today, there is much talk about what one’s “superpower” is — that singular talent that distinguishes you. These can include empathy, systems thinking, creativity, decisiveness, among many other traits. The idea is that if you can put your finger on your superpower, you’ll know how best to contribute to your team or organization. As its name suggests, one’s superpower contains a magic all its own.  

I find the idea of detecting one’s superpower amusing. If there is one superpower that eclipses all others, it is your identity — that unique combination of characteristics that reveals your potential for creating value in the world. Here are three illustrations: 1) to inspire renewal, 2) to create positive history, 3) to help people to see. Each is deceptively simple. Yet, as a framework for making a lasting contribution, each is powerful in its own right.

Third, blaze your trail

With the dragon quieted and your magic clear, it’s time to move forward, to circle back and address the original challenge with new insight and courage. 

Lisa left her role as a corporate attorney, but chose to stay with her company. She was put in charge of leading a merger integration effort that offered her the chance to deal with cultural as well as economic issues.

Rory found a job with a regional bank, has made peace with his ex-wife, and sees his children regularly. 

No storybook endings here. But the suffering that was blocking these individuals’ progress had receded enough to allow them to move on. 

What I have come to understand, is that on the other side of suffering lies freedom — the freedom to grow in ways that benefit others as well as yourself.  

Want to help relieve suffering in the world? Go small. 

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After swallowing my pride, I called upon a former colleague whose unconventional way of thinking, I’d always admired. He listened. Then, he asked some questions I hadn’t even thought of, and within an hour or two my view of “what was really going on” had shifted, significantly. It was positively liberating. I felt a profound sense of relief and a renewed sense of commitment...

Help! 

What does it mean if I ask you for help? Does it mean that I’m I basically incapable of solving my own problems? Am I afraid to try? Am I just lazy? Do I fear being perceived as weak or lost? Or, will I feel exposed and vulnerable?

It’s not always easy asking for help. But we all need it, now and again. It’s simply part of being human; perfectly imperfect. Unfortunately, there’s no manual that describes the best ways to ask for help. 

Recently, I attended an author’s retreat. As writers. all of us are veteran help-askers. We seek help in shaping and editing our stories, devising compelling titles, finding the right publisher for our works. One of our discussions was devoted to how to ask for help, not just as authors, but as individuals striving to live fulfilling and meaningful lives. Once we got going, the ideas flowed. What surfaced was the realization that asking for help is its own art form. It requires imagination and a bit of creativity to know how to ask for help. While there’s no one way, there are different forms of help we can turn to when the time is right.

Here’s the list we came up with and a quick description of each idea:

Ask me questions – I don’t know it all. Maybe a few good questions will get me going.

Show me how – Let me watch you do it.

Offer expert advice – You know more than I do about my challenge. Give me guidance.

Think creatively with me – Get out of the box with me. Let’s brainstorm.

Give me feedback – Tell me what you think about my predicament in constructive terms.

Be my sounding board – Just listen for a while. Then tell me what you heard.

Provide moral support – I’m frustrated and discouraged. Give me a boost. 

Lend a hand – I’m not sure I can do this alone. Work with me.

Loan me something I can use – What tools do you have I can apply to “fix” this?

Protect and care for me – I’m feeling vulnerable. Stay with me while I work this out.

Help me make sense of things – I’m confused. How can I put things into perspective?

Motivate me – I’m waffling. Don’t let that happen. Spur me on. 

Who do you know who could use your help and what are the best ways you can give it?  One more thing…what sort of help would help you? 

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Here’s another approach for fashioning a personal business card that asserts your more powerful, more meaningful parts. Stay with me …

Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to make a presentation to the Association of Career Professionals(ACP) here in Connecticut — a diverse group of career coaches and consultants, outplacement executives, and individuals in various states of transition. The session was entitled: My Brand, My Career: Building the Relationship of a Lifetime. 

While shaping one’s personal brand was the ostensible focus of the meeting, my intention was to take the crowd to a deeper place — a place that, once reached, would become the foundation of their personal brand, but also provide them a fresh perspective on how to build a life and legacy they’d be proud of. In short, their brand would become their authentic, distinctive, and sustainable center of gravity.

To get to this “deeper place,” we tackled a variety of questions ranging from who am I? and what makes me special? to where am I going?, who can I trust?, and what is my message? All of these questions, and others, were aimed at cracking the code on one’s essential identity as the starting point for shaping a truly meaningful brand.

Once you crack your code, you’re ready to get real. Put your personal brand statement on a business card — if you don’t have one, or only have a company card, have some made — you’re inviting people to get to know you faster and better. You’re inviting notable discussions, which could lead to a new job, or even a new career. (And, it’s a great conversation starter at cocktail parties!) You’re promoting what you’re really “good at” and what makes you unique. That’s what your brand needs to do.

What are you waiting for?

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The good news is that the race has led me to wonder about the future of leadership, generally. What it will look like, what it will take to be a truly successful leader. Want to lead? Stay with me, here.

I let my curiosity take over and dove into a variety of resources that have been studying the future of leadership: Hay Group, The Center for Creative Leadership, Google and numerous others.

In short, what I found were a bevy of attributes, which when distilled down, sorted into five major categories: Collaboration, Individuality, Authenticity, Integrity and Communication. Consider these leadership imperatives for the future.

Taken together, they got me to see that the future of leadership is all about the personalization of work as the foundation for change. In short, it’s about humanizing relationships, honoring the individual inside the employee, tapping into the whole person (beginning with you), motivating from the inside, out.

From what I learned, I believe that the personalization of work can become the ‘new efficiency,’ driving productivity and, potentially, greater employee engagement. I like that. It flips the traditional model of assembly line efficiency on its head, by celebrating the “making” of the individual rather than the making of the product.

It’s about time.

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This is a challenge of personal differentiation.

Personal differentiation may include more training in one’s current trade or profession, or even training in new fields. But it also depends heavily on something closer to home: Getting a clear handle on one’s identity as the source of their value-creating potential—and then determining where these powerful capacities can be best applied, to everyone’s benefit.

Promoting who you are, not just what you can do isn’t a conventional resume item. Yet, blending identity information into one’s work history and goals can transform the impact of a resume, in ways that help you stand out from the proverbial crowd.This may be cold comfort for people who have been blinded by chronic unemployment, and who are slowly melting into the background, but it is nonetheless true.

So… Is our new jobs economy killing people in the name of productivity? Such inexcusable irony.

You don’t have to take a life to kill a soul.

###

Flickr photo courtesy of H. Kopp Delaney 

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Ask yourself this question: Have you ever heard of a VP for Financial Resources? Not likely, They’re simply VP for Finance, or Chief Financial Officer. The word, finance, stands on its own. Therein lies a seemingly innocent, yet elephant-in-the-room sized challenge for HR: Getting beyond the word ‘resources’ and focusing on human issues. “Human Resources” conjurs up all of the standard people management challenges, ranging from benefits administration, labor and leadership development, to recruitment, training, and compensation. As much as these disciplines are needed, do they really do justice to the human issues that deeply influence how well organizations perform? Issues like personal happiness and fulfillment that are the backbone of motivation? Issues of self-actualization and purpose which, unlike any financial incentive, fire the imagination and lead to unstoppable energy?

When we unleash the uniqueness and potential of individuals, we unleash value-creating instruments unlike any others. But doing so isn’t a human resources challenge; it is a human challenge and meeting it promises to be one of the great adventures of the 21st century.

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Ever since “the vision thing” collided with “execution is everything,” people have failed to resolve the ‘what is more important’ tug-of-war between these two powerful forces. Here, I offer a way to resolve the debate to everyone’s potential satisfaction (or consternation). Forget business for a moment; let’s garden.

It’s a simple fix, really, with a simple manifesto: Be the gardener. To all prospective CGO’s – chief garden officers – follow these instructions for a healthy organization.

Envision the harvest you want your business to produce, then, start with a few well-placed seeds: the right people, ideas, products, technology, capital, etc. Water, fertilize, tend, weed. In relation to your objectives, do all the little things gardens require in order to bloom. Beware over-fertilizing or watering in the name of speed. It will kill your plants. Don’t try and force growth. It just won’t work.

Combined, vision and execution are both a matter of cultivation. Practice being the gardener with your business – or your life – and small accomplishments will have great significance as your company – and you – blossom.

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Here’s a quote from a corporate recruiter, who is noted in the article, and which I want to use as a launching pad for this post: “Rachael, I don’t know you all that well yet, but I know you are not being yourself. You have 10 weeks here. Be yourself. We have to feel like we know who you are in order to consider you for full time.”

What a great admonition from a recruiter! In my experience, most may say this, but don’t really know what they’re asking; what they do care about is fit, but from another angle – from the perspective of your values and whether your values and the company’s will mesh. A reasonable need, but not enough to ensure the kind of fit that matters when it comes to contribution and long term performance.

The problem doesn’t lie with recruiters, however; it starts with the recruits, in this case, the MBA candidates themselves. I’ve lectured at several schools,
including Wharton and UCLA’s Anderson School. Topic? Identity. Understanding who you are and your value-creating potential. It’s a subject no one teaches, but everyone needs, if they’re going to turn an MBA into a meaningful career.

At the close of my session at Wharton, two years ago – there were about 120 people in the 3 hour session – several people came up to me and admitted that they really had no idea what they were going to do with their degree. And, yes,
they valued the chance to begin to dig into discovering who they really were, beyond the labels they carried and the expectations of parents, friends – and recruiters.

At one point we were talking about trust: who you can really trust to want what you have to give, by way
of your special capacities as an individual. The talk was lively. I just listened. Then, a young man in the back of the room raised his hand and said, “I don’t even trust myself right now.” The room got stone cold for a moment. Then, several students turned to him, addressed him and wanted to somehow help him. A number of others laughed, knowingly: they knew what he had had the courage to say also applied to them.

Whenever I address MBA candidates on the subject of identity and its impact on their careers and lives, generally, a cloud seems to lift in the room. People exhale. Reality sets in. Permission is granted to be human. And I leave people with an
entirely new frame of reference from which to assess what paths they should take and which ones they should avoid.

I’ve written two books on this subject, The Identity Code and Identity Is Destiny. They are the foundation of my lectures and my deeply held belief that if you understand your uniqueness and the potential it contains, you will create more value for everyone, including yourself.

Rachel is a fortunate woman. She seems to have an inner light and courage that has enabled her to go down the road of learning to be herself. More MBA candidates could use a dose of help along this line – not when they’re being recruited, but in the course of career counseling during the program.

When I open the lecture, my standard line is: Who wants to be in investment banking? Usually lots of hands go up. Then, Who wants to be in management consulting, and more hands go up. Who wants to be in marketing: more hands. Pause. Then, finally, who wants to be happy? And, invariably, all hands go up. The message is pretty clear:If you connect who you are with what you do, your chances of being happy go up a lot.

Personally, I think it would be pretty innovative for a business school to decide to make this outcome part of their process. Not only would it benefit their own reputations; it would benefit prospective employers looking to hire people who want to be with them, for all the right reasons.

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